Time in a Bottle

I distinctly remember the first time I heard Jim Croce's "Time in a Bottle"-- during an ABC Afterschool Special (remember those?) about drunk driving. I thought it was such a sad and lovely song. It is true that "there never seems to be enough time to do the things that you want to do".

Lately I've been feeling like there's not enough of me for everyone and everything that needs my attention. After a particularly trying day last week, I collapsed into bed in tears about all the things that get left "undone" each day. I told Rob, "I feel like our kids aren't getting what they need from me, but there's no more of me to give!"

He asked if I had felt neglected growing up in a family of 8 children. I didn't. But then I observed that I spend the majority of my time dealing with the needs of my oldest and youngest children, The middle two don't demand as much attention, so they don't get it. I realized that I was one of the demanding types and wouldn't have allowed my parents to neglect me (even if they had wanted to)!

Next I asked a friend who is the 4th of 8 children. "Did you feel lost in the crowd of children? Do you feel like you got enough attention?" She replied, "I didn't even realize personal attention was an option, so I never missed it." I laughed but then I kind of felt like crying.

I don't want to "save every day 'til eternity passes away", I just want to pull out an extra bottle of Time at 4:30 pm when 3 kids are doing homework & practicing piano, the 2-year old is having a meltdown and I'm trying to make dinner. This on the heels of last week's post about using time wisely....still working on ideas for this one. Let me know if you have any.

Living up to Potential

This weekend Maddie got one of those dreaded lectures from her parents about her performance in school. "You're not living up to your potential". I say 'dreaded' because it involved lots of eye rolling and stony silence on her part. Lots of anxiety, planning, and discussion on our part. I mostly say it because I remember really hating this particular lecture from my own parents. I knew I could do better, but I frankly didn't care at times. It was obvious that Maddie felt the same. Now I feel the frustration of a parent who knows their child is smart and competent, but doesn't use their time and resources wisely to accomplish what needs to be done.

Flash forward to this morning. I'm in a funk. Tired, bored, overwhelmed, house is a wreck, I feel fat, etc. Don't want to do the 25 things on my to-do list because they're not things I really care about doing. I want to make cookies and get back in my pajamas and my bed. Rob asked, "Are you okay?" and I responded, "I don't want to do my life today. Can you be me for a day?" Dang, he didn't want to be me.

The obvious comparison has hit me within the last hour. I procrastinate, don't use my time wisely, focus on less important things. "Potential" is a nebulous idea and it's hard to always be focused, dedicated, and consistent about improving yourself or working toward your goals. How would I feel if someone was constantly pointing out all the ways in which I'm 'lacking'--falling short of my potential? (Stony silence from me too.) I think, "I'm doing the best I can, okay?" But honestly, this week isn't my best work. Not by a long shot.

I'm debating whether or not it would motivate me to get a lecture from my parents at this point. It's been so long, I'm not sure I remember how to roll my eyes. Oh wait, I just did it.

**This picture of Maddie is 2.5 yrs. old. She's much more sophisticated now.

Murphy's Law

I clearly remember my dad explaining 'Murphy's Law' to me when I was 9 or 10. I was fascinated by (as Wiki says) "the perceived perversity of the universe".

Today was a perfect case in point. We were scheduled to meet Rob's parents and his sister Susan and her family in the Blue Ridge mountains. We had a full day of apple picking, picnicing, hiking, and browsing planned. And after a full week of lovely fall weather, today was very chilly and rainy. Why, universe, why?

Actually, it turned out to be a pretty fun day, though we were chilled and soggy by the end. We lingered over lunch, dawdled in a fun toy store, and huddled around a box of hot cider doughnuts at the orchard. We did call it quits on picking and bought pre-picked apples. They're still fresh, right?

So if Murphy's law is "anything that can go wrong will go wrong", I'm wondering if there's a phrase for the opposite--when everything that can go right, goes right.

Due to an amazingly wonderful confluence of events, Rob and I are going to Italy in December!! He has been invited to a conference in Turin and then we'll take the train down to Florence. I've always wanted to go to Florence. It's my name. I have to go. It's my new law.

Love is Spoken Here

My favorite musical number from General Conference last weekend was "Love is Spoken Here" near the end of the Sunday morning session. It brought back happy memories of singing with my family growing up. Including parents, we had a total of 4 girls and 6 boys, so we could pull off a pretty good version of this number and frequently sang it for Family Home Evening, dinner guests, family gatherings, and I think we even sang in church a time or two. I'm certain that I rolled my eyes more than once at my Dad's request for us to sing together (sorry Dad) and I probably made disparaging comments (sorry everyone else) about our performances. But years later, my heart lights up when I hear this song and makes me really miss those times and the feelings of togetherness that come from being part of a family.

My parents' example of faith, love, perseverance, charity and service is a constant in my life and I am thankful for it every day. I feel so blessed to have grown up in a home where love was spoken and taught. I agree with the lyrics about the power of example and the reminder that the Savior is near when we speak in love. When I have happy memories from my childhood, it always makes me wonder what our children will remember from their growing-up years.


(Girls) I see my mother kneeling with our family each day.
I hear the words she whispers as she bows her head to pray.
Her plea to the Father quiets all my fears,
And I am thankful love is spoken here.

(Boys) Mine is a home where ev’ry hour is blessed by the strength of priesthood pow’r,
With father and mother leading the way,
Teaching me how to trust and obey;
And the things they teach are crystal clear,
For love is spoken here.

[ending together] I can often feel the Savior near
When love is spoken here.

“Love Is Spoken Here,” Children’s Songbook of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 190–91, Words and music: Janice Kapp Perry

Brain Waves

On our way home from Wilmington on Monday I found myself thinking about my college roommate, Melissa. I hadn't heard from her in several months and was missing her, wondering what she's been doing. When I checked my email that night, I found I had an email from her and also a comment on our blog. Do you think that's coincidence or telepathy? I called her the next day and we had a long talk and laughed about catching each other's 'brain waves'. It's nice to know that someone else was thinking about you just as you were thinking about them. It seems to happen to me alot though.

The other thing that often happens is the desire to write a letter. Sometimes it's just wanting to put pen to paper, sometimes I get a feeling that someone needs a letter. I usually don't know the result of these promptings, but it always makes ME feel better to put an envelope in the mail.

But today the brain waves are short and far between. We're still unpacking from Wilmington and Rob leaves early tomorrow morning for a conference in Ohio. Eloise has been home sick for two days. Potty training continues. End of term projects are due and leaves are beginning to fall. The house is a wreck and I'm hosting book group here tomorrow night.

I was wondering why on earth I volunteered for that and then I remembered that with Rob out of town, the only way I can go is if it's at my house. We're discussing "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society"--a book about books, told through letters--and therefore a great favorite of mine. In fact, my roommate Melissa had just discussed this in her book group and thought of me when they talked about writing letters. So it all comes together at last.

All this to deal with and the only thing I can think about it is what to make for the book group treat. I love planning what to serve. Potato Peel Pie didn't cut it, so I think I'm going to try an apple pie with a cheddar crust and vanilla ice cream. Brain wave me if you want to come over and try some :)

Items of Use in My Daily Life

Specimen #1

Useful: I present to you the amazing, faithful, hard-working yellow tupperware colander(circa 1970's). It was given to me by one of Rob's college roommates after I expressed enthusiastic nostalgia for it. We must have had one like it growing up. I don't remember it exactly, but I remembered this when I saw it again and it was like meeting an old friend. "Oh, the yellow colander! I've missed you!" I've used this thing for all the years of our marriage for MANY purposes--food, crafts, and household projects. It might be the very most useful thing I own. Rob thinks he washes it in every sink of dirty dishes and has been known to ask, "Isn't the yellow colander in here somewhere?" We share a macabre joke that if I die an untimely death, this will be the thing that brings him to tears of remembrance each time he sees it. I will certainly stop to grab it if there's a fire.

Specimen #2

NOT Useful: I now present you with the vintage Snoopy alarm clock (also circa 1970's) we purchased at DI this summer. We thought it was so cute and retro and who doesn't need an alarm clock? Well once we put batteries in it, we discovered why it had been sent to DI. This clock has a heart-attack inducing alarm--one loud shrill ring (think Fire Station 5-alarm fire ring). Bea was playing with the clock in my bathroom yesterday and apparently set it to conveniently go off at 4:30 this morning. Scared me half to death! And sad to say this isn't the first time that has happened. In fact, my heart was beating so hard I couldn't fall back asleep and I lay there thinking what a worthless clock it is, since I've been truly "alarmed" by it at least half a dozen times and have NEVER purposely set it for its intended use. Back to Goodwill with you, little Snoopy. Run along now.

Specimen #3

Undecided: What do you think, friends? Are pull-ups a good thing or do they just prolong the agony? We have entered this swampy middle ground of potty-training and I'm not sure if these are useful or not. We're definitely out of the diapers. (There are 6 left in the house and I'm refusing to buy more--will I regret that?) But Bea is not completely (or even mostly) reliable in underwear. I clean up at least 2 accidents a day, but we are making progress. Just not enough to go out in public or to friends' houses without padded protection. Give me advice please. It seems like my last potty-training episode was a long time ago and SJ practically did it herself, overnight.

Anyway, these are three things I've used today. Two of these things will be used again and one no longer belongs in the family. Anyone need an alarm clock?

It's a beautiful day in the Neighborhood

One neighbor(Shan) just called to say she took our other neighbor (Kathryn) to the ER with a migraine. Shan picked up Kathryn's son from preschool and called me to see if the two of us could pull together dinner for Kathryn's family. I'm supplying a few ingredients and making cornbread for 3 families and Shan is making Jambalaya for the rest of us. Nice. This is how our neighbors roll and we love it.

Our retired neighbor, Bill, has been teaching Rob jazz piano for the last several months and shares his bumper crop of tomatoes with us. MaryAnne next door gives us yard advice and her son helps us with mechanical repairs. Kim gets me out running in the early mornings and trades babysitting with me. Kathryn is comic relief at the bus stop in the mornings and Shan always knows what to do in a crisis. I keep tabs on everyone and try to get us together once in a while. We know everyone in 8 of the 10 houses we can see from ours (and a few neighbor/friends we can't see from our house).

Bill (piano neighbor) and his wife Gwen came for dinner last weekend and told us they are moving soon to be closer to family. Still in Charlotte, but not in our cozy little neighborhood. Rob doesn't get sentimental about much, but he was very sad about this news. It feels good to have neighbors you know and trust and it stinks when you have to break it up. Viva Cheshunt!

Thinking about this reminds me of all the neighbors we've loved before--the Tongan family, the sweet Jewish lady, and the eldery childless couple who raised turtles and chihuahuas (neighbors from my childhood). A fun neighbor named Megan who traded recipes with me while our girls played on the steps in front of our student apartments. The Wenglers, Bradshaws, Waltons, Hansons--dear friends in our Indiana Mormon Ghetto apartments :) Such happy memories from all those homes and neighbors. I often tell my far away sisters and sisters-in-law that I wish we could be neighbors--to share jobs, recipes, ideas & companionship.

To all of you, I sing:

I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

So let's make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we're together, we might as well say,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?

Won't you please,
Won't you please,
Please won't you be my neighbor?