I turned 37 a few weeks ago and decided I wanted to have a theme for this year of my life. I've chosen my theme from 2 Timothy 1:7--For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. FEAR NOT!
I've realized that with all of the changes in the past year, I have become a fearful person. Here are some of the things I'm afraid of, both rational and irrational (you'll probably be able to tell which is which):
- CHANGE
- getting rid of things
- not being able to sell our house
- finding new friends; saying goodbye to old friends
- my children growing up, whether I'm ready or not
- not having any more babies
- tsunamis, earthquakes, fires
- not being strong enough to handle my life
- getting old
- being attacked by a rabid squirrel while running on the trails near our house
- not keeping my house clean enough
One goal I set this year is to run a marathon, which Rob and I will do on May 7th. This process has been a test for me in many ways--not only building the physical endurance I'll need, but also shoring up my mental capacity and casting out all the fearful thoughts that sneak in to tell me I'll never make it, I'm not strong enough, I'm not brave enough, etc.
It is hard to conquer those thoughts and find the feelings of power, love, and a sound mind. I continue to struggle with accepting the changes that are in store for our family and what it will mean for me personally. My mind keeps going back to a wonderful article I read at Christmas, called "How Shall This Be?" . Jane Wise talks about the lessons we can learn from the Nativity story and it feels like she's talking directly to me:
"The ordinary, comfortable, even safe life has been interrupted. Things are not what were hoped for; they are not what was planned for. God has interrupted, pushing aside the ordinary to conceive something out of the ordinary. We may not understand it, and we may not be able
to manage it. What can we do? We can receive it, as frightening as that sounds."
Frightening indeed, but I'm really trying to choose faith, not fear.
