Ten Years Ago...

My friend told me this morning that she and her husband had been talking about how much they have changed and grown in the past ten years. She asked, "Do you think you're a better person now than you were ten years ago?"

I could hardly even think of where I was or what I was doing ten years ago, but now I can't stop thinking about it.

Ten Years Ago:
Maddie was almost 3
Eloise was 6 months old
We lived in an apartment in Orem, UT
Rob was going to law school at BYU
I was serving in a RS presidency and Rob was the EQ secretary
We spent a lot of time with family--siblings at BYU and weekend trips to SLC and Idaho Falls

We were less than a year away from moving to Indiana and starting graduate school, though of course we didn't know that at the time. It seems like my life is divided into two parts from that year, because moving away from everything familiar forced me to really and truly be an adult.

I don't know if it's good or depressing to realize I'm doing the same mom-type things with my life that I did then. I cook, clean, read, sew, play with the kids, do laundry, work on my church calling. (It seemed like a lot of work at the time, but it sure seems easy now to clean that tiny apartment!)

But AM I A BETTER PERSON? I'd definitely say I'm stronger, both physically and emotionally. I feel like a "real mom"--even then I sometimes felt like I was playing house. I love my husband more. I've learned lots of new skills. I feel like I'm a more thoughtful person, but it's hard to know. I wouldn't go back; that's for sure. I don't have too many regrets; that's good. There's an awful lot I can't remember; is that bad?

So now I will pass the question on to you. It is kind of fun to think about and kind of uncomfortable too, because it really seems to me that I should have made more measurable progress as a human being in 10 years....

Are you a better person than you were 10 years ago?

I get by with a little help from my friends

I love my friends. I love keeping track of and staying in touch with those who are scattered far and wide (but I still can't bring myself to facebook!!)
I love the feelings evoked by conversations with true friends, who just "get" you and always know what you mean and what to say.
In the last week, I've had long talks with 3 good friends--two by long distance phone and one while completely-out-of-breath running.

Personal conversations with words meant just for me, but thank you, friends. I'm supposed to speak in church on Sunday about the still small voice, so I've been thinking about that all week. I think that Heavenly Father can speak to us through other familiar voices too--voices you love and trust can tell you things about yourself that you need to know.

And as much as I adore my girlfriends, Rob really is my BFF. I've heard women say they don't believe that stuff about a husband being your best friend...but it's true for me, truly. I've got good people on my team.

A Book That Changed Me

A friend asked me last week to recommend some books for her to read, but she asked "What are your top 10 favorite books?" As I thought about it, I realized that my personal favorites aren't all books I'd recommend to others. I think there are certain books that you read at just the right moment and they take root in your heart/mind/imagination and somehow it fundamentally changes you and your view about life.

I read "Mitten Strings for God" shortly after Sarah Jane was born in Bloomington and it changed the way I felt about motherhood and the expectations I had for myself and family. It helped me know it's okay to pull back from other pursuits, even if they're good ones. You can be a good, helpful person without volunteering for every task that needs doing. It's good to keep things simple, casual, and manageable. I originally read it from the library, but soon bought my own copy to mark and reread. Every time I open it, I'm reminded of that time in my life when I made a conscious effort to slow down a little and I'm reminded to maintain that effort.
Friends who have read it have had varied reactions, but for me, it was an important book and will remain a favorite.

Have you read a book that has changed you?

Goody Two Shoes

Goody Two Shoes: Someone who is virtuous in a coy, smug or sentimental manner.

I have a friend named Toncie Ball, a super sweet, genuine Southern lady in her eighties. She goes to church with us and blesses our family in so many ways. I love her grandma house with all the little treasures, her knowledge of southern cuisine and customs, her delight in our girls, and her bravery and optimism despite loneliness and health problems. Today Bea and I picked her up for a doctor's appointment and she had a new stick pony for Bea that she found on clearance after Christmas. Bea brought it into the doctor's office and proceeded to charm all the other patients in the waiting room (all older people, since it was a cataract surgeon).
I have often thought that if I ever go back to work or school, I would like to pursue something in geriatrics. I really enjoy older people and feel comfortable around them. One of the sweetest experiences of my life was living next door to my great Grandmother when Maddie was a baby--of course I loved her as my grandmother, but I also loved getting to know her as a neighbor and dear friend.
My parents had the inspired idea to send me around (get me out of the house!) on errands to many of the widows in the neighborhood where I grew up. I remember shoveling walks, emptying garbages, feeding cats, and raking leaves. I remember riding my bike to visit Brother and Sister Hyde. He was blind and she was slightly batty, but so nice. I'd do little chores for them and they'd give me stale candy.
I loved our little English neighbor, Ivy Buschi, and my assigned visits soon became my own idea and choice. A friend and I made up fake adoption papers and adopted Sister Buschi as our grandma. I was in 6th grade when she died and still remember the smell of her house and the sight of her swollen legs propped up on her couch, under an afghan. I treasure a small statue she left to me. It's called "Goody Two Shoes" by Royal Doulton.

All this is not to be smug about doing good deeds among the elderly, but just to say that it makes me happy to have adopted grandmas in my life.