My little mustard seed

If you haven't heard our news, read here first. Then come back and I'll tell you how I feel about it.

I haven't exactly been a supportive, encouraging wife on this whole job application to Georgia thing. It wasn't what I had in mind, wasn't the timetable I'd imagined. I'm seriously working my way through the 5 stages of grief--I've passed denial, anger, bargaining, and now hover between depression and acceptance. It was a hard move here for me and I've realized it will be a hard move away.
In all my prayers and all my longing for assurances that this is the right thing, the one sure answer I've received is this: Trust in the Lord. General Conference was going on the weekend we had to make our decision, and I didn't get the answer I was seeking, but I was reminded of a few important things. Namely that I'm not alone in this and that I need my faith to be more powerful than my fears.

"Things work out, it isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out, don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in him, if we will pray to him, if we will live worthy of his blessings, he will hear our prayers."
Gordon B. Hinckley

"If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you." (Matthew 17:20)




"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Young and Old on Wednesday

Today Bea got a book at the library called "Am I Big or Little?" The mom says, "You're little enough to _______" and the girl says, "But I'm big enough to ________". I've been having similar thoughts all week about my age as I creep uncomfortably closer to 40. Am I young or am I old?



I've made peace--even friends--with my brown curly hair just when it's starting to turn gray and thin. Am I too old to grow it long one last time?

I'm determined to beat my weight into submission, but the stretch marks and crow's feet are here to stay. I'm working on the conviction that healthy can be even more beautiful than young.

I love to exercise on the wii fit--the only video game I've ever done well on--because my virtual age is always younger than my real age!

Am I happy? (yes)
Do I feel fulfilled? (mostly)
Do I have meaningful relationships in my life? (yes)
Am I a good mother? (I think I'm okay, but complaints around here often say otherwise. It's easy to lose confidence.)
Do I have any major regrets in life? (no)
Do I have a testimony and faith? (yes)

So far so good. I think I will pursue another year.

from my girls:
Sarah Jane: Mom is old enough to cook her own meals, but young enough not to be a grandma.
Eloise: Mom is old enough to know a lot but young enough to still learn from her daughters :) .
Maddie: Mom is old enough to yell at me, but young enough to go shopping with me.

Lucky Irish heirloom recipes

On several different years, I've tried making corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick's Day. It just never turns out how I think it should and every time I ask myself why I feel compelled to make this traditional Irish dish. We're not Irish. I don't buy green candy or decorate with shamrocks. I do wear green, but just because it's funny to wonder if someone besides my kids would pinch me for not wearing green. :)

Today I decided to try a new tradition--Irish beef stew--by using our favorite stew recipe (and just calling it 'Irish'). I gathered all the ingredients and pulled out the crockpot, but when I went to get the recipe, it was nowhere to be found. I've made it many times, but apparently didn't put the card back last time. I called my mother-in-law, who first gave me the recipe. When I couldn't reach her, I made my way through several sisters-in-law, and then to my own mother. Each woman gave me a different recipe, and I had no luck finding a similar recipe online. So I made it according to memory, knowing full well I was missing ingredients and amounts. We haven't tasted it yet, but I wonder if anyone will say, "This doesn't taste the same...."

It made me think about recipes and how they get passed on, changed, adopted as our own. I would seriously consider rescuing my cookbooks if our house was burning down. I've realized today that there are thousands of beef stew recipes, but only one that is our family's favorite. It made me think of a dear friend whose mother has passed away and one of my friend's biggest regrets is that she didn't write down all of her mother's best recipes and the changes she made.

I like trying new recipes, but I'm trying to compile a 'best of' and would be happy to share it once I get organized (check back in a few years!). I have made MANY pots of minestrone, but always come back to my mom's. Her cream pies are the BEST, too. But I don't use her roll recipe (I use the Lion House recipe) and obviously, we inherited a wonderful beef stew recipe from Rob's side. If I get lucky and find it soon, I'll post it here.

Retreating

Sometimes you just gotta get out of Dodge. We are headed to the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee to celebrate Sarah Jane's birthday. We try to do an "experience" gift when our kids turn 8, and hers coincided with an invitation from some good friends in Indiana. They have a daughter Sarah's age, and she couldn't be more thrilled than to have a whole weekend of playing with a friend! We are sharing a cabin in the woods and I can't wait for some new scenery, some down time, and some late night visiting with old friends.

Our digs are near Dollywood (huge amusement complex owned by yes, Dolly Parton), and Gatlingburg, TN (a famous mountain resort), but we are planning to spend our time wandering around outside, playing and hiking. A break from your usual life (even just for a weekend) can be so relaxing and refreshing. Plus, we get to eat yummy food all weekend and we even have our own hot tub! Ah, small luxuries.

Our friends are vegetarian, so it has been a fun challenge coming up with meals. Fun because I already have a lot of meatless meals in my repetoire....challenging because the mom is vegan and I hadn't realized how much I depend on eggs, butter and cheese.

Best of all, SJCC is 8 and 8 is great!!! We took her to lunch today and I'm about to start preparing a Chinese food feast for her requested birthday dinner. I love birthdays. I love that she is growing up to be such a sweet, lovely, creative, caring, entertaining girl. Love that she is more excited about going to the mountains than having an expensive, stressful, hectic birthday party.

LOVE that every year, she requests coconut cream pie instead of a birthday cake. Do you think I should break my no-sugar rule to have pie with her? I'm still debating, but dang, that pie looks good. I guess that's a Re-treat of another sort...
Boo. Bad pun, but I couldn't resist. The girls have been very into puns lately and I keep thinking of them. It's genetic.

Skinny and Neurotic

Remember this post? Well, that friend who doesn't bake was my same weight and size 18 months ago. She had a little boy a few months after Bea was born and we often commiserated about losing the weight and getting back in shape. I'm still talking about it, but she has lost almost 40 lbs. and 4 pant sizes. She looks awesome.
I have been exercising consistently all this time and though I feel healthy and strong, I have not been successful in losing weight. Last weekend, I found myself scanning the internet for 'miracle cures' that would help me shed the pounds. As I debated about where and how to spend my money (gym membership? appetite suppressants? herbal cleanse?), I realized that I haven't really and truly tried the thing I know I should: eating less. (It's a painfully simple math problem...)

So starting March 1, no desserts until my birthday near the end of the month. I'm 2.5 days into it and so far, so good. I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is actually a huge milestone for me!! Cutting back on sugar doesn't seem to work for me, so I'm going to try cutting it out and see what happens. I figure 3 weeks should be enough time to tell if it's working or not.

I know this is boring to everyone else (sorry), but I now understand why people who lose weight seem to talk about it a lot---it has to be on your mind ALL THE TIME. Counting calories is boring and makes me feel neurotic, but feeling overweight all the time was making me sad too, so I'm going for the healthy weight/well-adjusted psyche approach. I'll get back to you on it.