When Family Can't Be There

Last Saturday Rob and I ran our marathon. We set and trained for this goal as a couple, but I found myself needing lots of encouragement and reassurance from others. Our neighbors and dear friends, Shan and Brian Sullivan, drove over 2 hours just so they could stand at the finish line and cheer us on by name (and record our deed for posterity!) More than I would ask, even of a relative, Shan gave me a big hug as I came through and even kissed me on my oh, so sweaty forehead and told me how proud of me she was. No mother or sister could have done more. They quietly drifted off, leaving us to stretch and rehydrate, but it meant SO much to have them there.

As you can imagine, I REALLY wanted to sleep in on Sunday morning, but we got a call at 6:40 am that another neighbor and good friend, Kim, was in labor. She and Steve dropped their 2 kids off at 7am and we kept them most of the day. A relaxing Mother's Day turned a little busier, just when I wanted to spend all day curled up in my bed. Then I started thinking about all the friends that have been there for us in our hours of need, when family was far away and couldn't help. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I started to feel grateful that I could "be there" for my friend and somehow pass along the help and support that others have given me.

We have lived away from our families for 10 years now. We've shared baby births, hospital visits, carpooling, youth activities, miscarriages, marriage trouble and divorce, illness, Thanksgiving dinners, Easter egg hunts, weekend road trips and Christmas Eves with the families in our neighborhoods and wards in Indiana and North Carolina. All the things we would have shared with family have been shared with others who have become our family. I love these people so much and I'm so grateful they've stepped in to our lives.

Fear Not

I turned 37 a few weeks ago and decided I wanted to have a theme for this year of my life. I've chosen my theme from 2 Timothy 1:7--For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. FEAR NOT!

I've realized that with all of the changes in the past year, I have become a fearful person. Here are some of the things I'm afraid of, both rational and irrational (you'll probably be able to tell which is which):

• CHANGE
• getting rid of things
• not being able to sell our house
• finding new friends; saying goodbye to old friends
• my children growing up, whether I'm ready or not
• not having any more babies
• tsunamis, earthquakes, fires
• not being strong enough to handle my life
• getting old
• being attacked by a rabid squirrel while running on the trails near our house
• not keeping my house clean enough

One goal I set this year is to run a marathon, which Rob and I will do on May 7th. This process has been a test for me in many ways--not only building the physical endurance I'll need, but also shoring up my mental capacity and casting out all the fearful thoughts that sneak in to tell me I'll never make it, I'm not strong enough, I'm not brave enough, etc.

It is hard to conquer those thoughts and find the feelings of power, love, and a sound mind. I continue to struggle with accepting the changes that are in store for our family and what it will mean for me personally. My mind keeps going back to a wonderful article I read at Christmas, called "How Shall This Be?" . Jane Wise talks about the lessons we can learn from the Nativity story and it feels like she's talking directly to me:

"The ordinary, comfortable, even safe life has been interrupted. Things are not what were hoped for; they are not what was planned for. God has interrupted, pushing aside the ordinary to conceive something out of the ordinary. We may not understand it, and we may not be able

to manage it. What can we do? We can receive it, as frightening as that sounds."

Frightening indeed, but I'm really trying to choose faith, not fear.

Makin' my way in the world today

Last year, it felt like I would burst if I didn't write. I felt like I had words and thoughts just crammed in my head, waiting to be let out. This year, not so much. Not as much to say. Still trying to sell the house, still waiting to transition to Georgia, still wondering how to parent a teenager. But I do have an itch to create something.

A few months ago, a wise friend advised me to spend a few minutes each day on something that wouldn't get UNdone (as opposed to things like laundry and dinner dishes, which are endlessly repeated) I have *mostly* kept my sewing stuff packed up in an effort to keep the house clean, but I'm pining for a project. I decided to keep a record of the things I create this year--partly to keep notes to my self, but mostly to remind me of those things that stayed done.

My first project of the year: Ruffled Scarf! I made two that I wasn't thrilled with, but finally got it on the third, as a gift for Maddie's friend. I will have to get new fabric and make another one for me.

I used this tutorial but made a few adjustments.

Scarf #1

Single layer, 4 inches wide. I bought the polka dots thinking it would go with tons of stuff, but I think it kind of looks like a clown ruffle. I also didn't like how the unprinted underside showed so much.

Scarf #2

I used a more reversible knit for this one and did double layers. (3"top layer, 6" bottom layer). I liked how it looked, but found it was too long once I was all finished. I should have made tighter ruffles to shorten it.

Scarf #3

Eureka! I solved the reversible problem by doing two opposing layers for the bottom ruffle (5" wide). Top layer is 3". The biggest improvement by far was machine basting in two places (and then sewing down the middle of the two basting lines). It made the ruffles much more even. I made tighter ruffles too--gathering the 60" strip of fabric down to 34". It turned out MUCH better and I will do them this way from now on!